Being told that you need a surrogate mother to carry your baby is an overwhelming experience. If you are like most intended parents, your first instinct is to ask a friend or relative to be your surrogate. You may think this is the best choice for you since you will feel comfortable knowing that your surrogate is someone that you trust to carry your child, and also because your friend or relative will probably not demand as much money as an unknown surrogate would demand, so you would save money. There some important things to consider before choosing a friend or relative to be your surrogate mother.
3 Tips To Consider Before Using A Friend Or Relative As Your Surrogate Mother
The surrogacy process is long and intense for the surrogate mother. First, she must pass medical tests before the physician will allow her to proceed as your surrogate. Another important screening test that you would have to get your friend or relative to undergo would be a psychological test. This screening test can be a bit difficult to ask from your friend or relative but it is important. The stress and emotional complications associated with the process of surrogacy can take its toll during the journey so it is better to have your friend or relative pass this important test first. Then, she must faithfully follow the complicated fertility procedure instructions, including taking injections and other medications, going to medical appointments and undergoing medical procedures. All of these steps are critical to a successful surrogacy. If your friend or relative does not follow all of the instructions she is given to the letter, the result may be a failed cycle and no pregnancy. When you use a friend or relative as your surrogate, they may not take their responsibilities as a surrogate as seriously as an unknown woman who is being paid to be your surrogate. An unknown surrogate will make sure to act responsibly because she is financially motivated to do so.
If your friend or relative does not meet all of the doctor’s medical requirements for a surrogate, you may request that the doctor allow her to proceed anyway, because she makes you feel the most comfortable and you think she is the most affordable option. While the stipend you would pay to your friend may be less, using your friend as a surrogate mother may end up costing you much more in the long run. If you friend is not medically qualified to act as your surrogate, the chances for a successful pregnancy may be dramatically decreased and you may need to repeat the fertility treatments until a pregnancy is achieved. These treatments are normally very expensive, and you may not be able to afford all of the treatments you need to have before a pregnancy is achieved. Using a friend as your surrogate may end up costing you much more than using an unknown surrogate would have cost you.
If your friend or relative is not medically qualified to be your surrogate mother, you may decide to not use her as your surrogate. This can potentially create a lot of problems in your relationship with her. Perhaps your friend or relative was really counting on the money you would have paid her to be your surrogate and is angry that you are changing your mind. Perhaps she may feel as though she is incompetent or not good enough to be your surrogate mother and feel resentful towards you. You might blame your friend or relative in the event that the fertility treatments fail and be angry with her. You might be resentful of your friend or relative if she insists on being your surrogate despite not being medically qualified since she may be hurting your chances of having a baby.
Getting someone you know involved with your surrogacy journey may seem like a good plan to you. In reality there are very few times when using a friend or relative as a surrogate mother are as low-cost, successful and stress-free as the intended parents had planned. Using someone you know often increases the treatment costs and chances for emotional conflict and decreases the chances of success. It is more preferable to use a surrogate referred by a reliable surrogate agency. Surrogate agencies have pre-screened these surrogates by reviewing their medical records and background history. These surrogates from surrogate agencies are medically qualified to carry a child to term. They are emotionally stable and know exactly what their responsibilities are on your surrogacy journey. To ensure a stress free surrogacy, it would be better to trust surrogacy agencies that know exactly how to support and help you with this journey.
Your Next Step
To find the surrogate mother that’s right for you and your family, simply fill out our easy free online application and a Illinois Surrogate Agency caseworker will contact you with you to discuss your application, answer any questions you might have, and outline the next steps. And in the meantime, you can also download our free reports to get even more information on surrogacy and the surrogate experience.